either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
