man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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