You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
