I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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