John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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