i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
