I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
