I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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