No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
