There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
