I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
