come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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