She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
