And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
