so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
