All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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