this beer tastes like vomit already
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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