your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
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