Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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