..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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