with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
