fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
