I hate your face
thus making me awesome and them whores
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
