I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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