I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
