PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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