I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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