i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
