some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
