If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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