She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
