I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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