was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
