your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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