If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
