allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I would fuck him just for his dog
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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