I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
