You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
