when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
