Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
