im drinking this country out of the recession.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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