You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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