gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
