i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
