I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
