What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is wine microwaveable?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
