I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
