toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
