I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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