Just fell off a train. Bad.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
