Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
