i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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