So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
