Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
