I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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