Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
