Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
