mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
