Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
