the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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