I think I won the penis lottery.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize