If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
