Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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