these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
