so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
