Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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