btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
