mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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