you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
