From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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