I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
