sarcasm needs its own font
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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