Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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