i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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