So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
